Heaven and Hell Were Words to Me
by Carstairsy
Summary: The plan was simple: extract the Black Widow from the Red Room. But when the mission goes awry and the Avengers are taken hostage, despite all odds, Steve finds himself falling for the Red Room's top agent. Romanogers.
1. Chapter 1

**This is set right after avengers, and it does go a little more into Steve adjusting because there wasn't nearly enough of it in Avengers. Basically everything is the same except Natasha wasn't recruited yet. **

**TW: suicidal thoughts and depression. ****Nothing too bad, but a warning is needed. **

* * *

Steve's footsteps echoed through the empty halls of SHIELD, each _thud _making the silence more deafening. This wasn't the first time almost all the halls in SHIELD were empty, it was a rare occasion for Steve to see anyone actually having a conversation in these halls, or any interaction really. He hates it.

During the war times were tough, but at least he felt _connected _to people. They'd laugh and exchange stories, come up with nicknames, share their ideas of their dream women. He remembered the knowing look on Bucky's face when he had accidentally described Peggy in perfect detail one day. Sure, he was embarrassed at the time, but at least someone knew him well enough to know who he was talking about. Bucky knew him well enough to know that Steve was falling for Peggy, and eventually the rest of the men on the troop did as well as time passed. But the knowledge of his infatuation was besides the point, he had people around him who _actually _knew and cared about him. He was sure if Bucky or Peggy was here they'd see right through his everyday act.

The truth was that Steve has never felt so alone.

Even when his mother died, Bucky was right there beside him, handing him a key and offering him a home so he wouldn't be alone. Then when he eventually lost Bucky, Peggy was there with reassurance and sympathy. He was sure if he lost anyone now, no one would be there for him. The thought made him stop walking momentarily. Isn't that what was happening? He lost _everyone._

No one was there with him when he opened the rusty, creaky gate of the cemetery. He accidentally crushed the flowers in his hands as he walked through the grass, his eyes reading every grave and his mouth whispering every name of the fallen. But there was one name that made his voice get caught in his throat and made him stop walking: James Buchanan Barnes. He fell to his knees in front of the grave, only to be face to face with the grave next to Bucky's. _Steven Grant Rogers. Beloved hero, and a good man. Captain America._ Flowers covered the empty grave that he wished he had filled. He wished his frostbitten body was under the dirt he was kneeling on. _God,_ how he wished it. He would have been buried next to his best friend, no, his _brother, _he would have finally been at peace. He was so tired. He left the cemetery with a tear stained face and with a mouth still dry from all his respects that he never got to pay to his troop. Every Howling Commando had a boutique of flowers on their grave when Steve closed the gate behind him.

He had his team, but it wasn't the same. It was built on a foundation of mistrust, their differences were solved but they were no howling commandos. The problem was that he didn't come into this century as Steve Rogers, but as Captain America. No one saw him as human, only a living legend. But the truth was that Steve didn't want to be alive, he wanted to be with the people who knew him. And those people were in the ground.

The first time he didn't use a parachute was after he visited Peggy. He visited her almost every week, he always brought her roses, they reminded him of the lipstick she use to wear. The roses laid wilted on his counter the day that he read that Peggy passed away. He wasn't told by someone who cared for him and was concerned about him, he wasn't even called. No, Steve found out by a newspaper. The mug of coffee he was holding slipped out of his hand when his eyes caught the headline. That was the day that he ran into open fire and didn't give a damn. Stark had pulled him aside, asked him what the hell he was thinking. But Steve only laughed, because for the first time since the ice, he actually felt something other than the ever present sinking feeling in his chest.

The last thing he remembered was crashing the plane and inhaling the cold air and letting it stab at his insides as it slowly washed over all the warmth in his body, he closed his eyes knowing he died for a cause, but _he didn't die_ he was brought back as a living legend. He was told the world needed him, but he didn't want to be apart of it anymore. He wanted to die. The first time he opened his eyes after the ice he wanted to see his mother, the same beautiful and comforting smile that will always be in his memory on her face, and he wanted to see Bucky telling him it wasn't his fault. But instead all he woke up to was people trying to deceive him. He doesn't think they knew how cruel what they did actually was. They gave him false hope only to have it ripped away from him. He wanted to die knowing he did something right. And he would've. Saving thousands and ending a Nazi organization, what a way to go. A way that was wasted.

The sound of laughter behind him brought him back from his thoughts. Okay, the halls weren't _always_ empty. There were one or two floors of the building that were crowded. One of which held the daycare. Steve has walked by it before, men and women clad in SHIELD uniforms would eagerly push the glass door open. There were squeals of delight from the children when they noticed their parents have finally come to collect them, and they'd cling to their parents as they exited the daycare. It was a life he has always wanted, but also a life that seemed so far away now. He avoids the daycare now.

Silence was better than the harsh truth.

He never expressed his troubles to anyone, he didn't want to be a bother to anyone. They had their own problems, and he still didn't feel comfortable sharing this with strangers. That's what they were: strangers. And to be honest, Steve didn't even know what he was doing. He didn't know why he got up every morning, he didn't know why he put on the suit and fought. He didn't know what to do with himself or what to fight for. He just didn't know. He was so confused. Confused to why he was brought back, why so much was still expected of him, and he was confused to why he wasn't dead yet.

He came face to face with the door to the conference room. He didn't want to go in, he didn't want to go on another mission. But then his mother's words echoed through his head. _Never stand down._ He needed those words now more than ever. He sighed before slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out the cold metal compass. He flipped open the small compass to see the black-and-white photo of Peggy's smiling face. He sighed. "What have I been thrown into?" He muttered to himself, it seems like he's been talking to himself a lot lately. Himself and dead people.

Several pairs of eyes turned to him as he pushed open the door. "Nice of you to finally join us, Captain," Fury said. Steve didn't know what to make of him. He fought for what he thought was right -but that was the key word, _thought._

"Lost track of time," Steve said. He pulled back the heavy chair and sat down as everyone's attention turned back to Fury. His eyes scanned the room. It was funny, this was his team but he barely knew them.

Tony didn't look like he wanted to be sitting. He was sitting on the edge of his seat and jiggling his leg slightly. He was very much like Howard; arrogant but a genius. Of course Howard would have fared better in this time than Steve does. His mind was ahead of his time period, Steve was glad to know it was passed onto his son and not wasted. He just wished Tony was more bearable to be around.

Doctor Banner was stiff in his chair, Steve noticed he didn't like small rooms very much. They got along well enough, they just got their own problems to deal with.

Thor was leaning back in his chair. He was wearing normal clothes and his blond hair was pulled into a bun. That was new to Steve, men with long hair; well, there was a long list of things that were new to Steve. Thor was easy enough to be around, he made Steve laugh occasionally and it cleared his mind for an hour or two. But he was a god, and through that another thing was taken from Steve. God, and it was when he needed Him the most. But recently Steve has been losing faith, and it had nothing to do with Thor.

Then there was Clint. He was draped over his chair and he had an arrow in his hand that he was idly twirling. Like Thor, Steve liked being around Clint, but Steve hasn't really wanted to be near anyone lately. That and he was pretty sure that Clint usually just switches off his hearing aid for most of the day.

This was his team. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"There has been a problem in Russia that has captured our attention," Fury said, sliding his hands on the conference table and leaning forward. "The Red Room has recently picked up an old program we believed was a problem that we already solved. The Black Widow Initiative." Fury could see the curiosity in the mens' eyes as he looked around the table. "It was a competition between their female agents for the title of the Black Widow, and it seems there's a new winner." Fury reached behind him and holograms popped up behind him. "Natalia Romanova, the newest Black Widow." A picture of a red headed women popped up on the screen, it was a snap shot of footage and she was pulling a gun out with her red curls fanning out around her. "This is a problem that needs to be solved immediately. Captain, I trust your judgement for this decision. Bring her back to recruit her, but if she's too far gone, we cant have the risk of her breathing."

"Wait, wait wait wait," Tony said, "we have to go to Russia?"

"No, Romanova is just going to be in New York. Of course you're going to Russia, Stark," Fury snapped.

"You've got a plan or are we just going to shoot guns in the snow until she shows up?" Steve asked. That was another thing about his team. Compromising was like pulling teeth with them. Someone always seemed to have another mission than the one he was following and gave out, and first they'd actually would have to _agree_ on a mission tactic before it got screwed up.

Fury tossed a thick manila folder in front of him and the rest of the team. "I was getting to that." Steve flipped open the folder to reveal several maps of Russia and a few more pictures of Natalia. There was a thin packet with the background of the Black Widow program, it held the names of the women involved, Natalia's name was circled in red. It also described the stages of the competition, which made Steve cringe slightly as he leafed through the packet.

"When you arrive in Russia, it will be right before the polar night begins," Fury explained as the sound of turning papers filled the room as the men flipped through packets. "I fully expect you to complete the mission before it begins, and use the darkness to return to New York unnoticed." Steve could see the complaint on the tip of Tony's tongue, he probably didn't like the idea of no sunlight for a long period of time, but he must have thought better than to complain because he remained silent. "Captain, the rest is on you," Fury said before dismissing himself from the room.

All eyes turned to Steve. "Alright," he said, taking out the map that showed the green areas, "there's a forest close to the base. We could conceal the quinjet there for the duration of the mission, then we can easily leave when the time comes."

"What if a few crazy Russian kids decide to take a joy ride if they find it?" Tony said.

"That wont happen," Clint said.

"They're Russian."

"Point taken."

"Nobody will find the quinjet," Steve interrupted them, "and even if it was found by some kids, what would they do with it?"

"Rogers is right," Clint said, "they'd probably just poke it with a few sticks and throw a rock or two at it."

"After the quinjet is hidden, we find Natalia." Steve pulled out a paper from the folder. "If we calculate the time we leave, we should be able to intercept Natalia's next mission. Banner, check over her mission sheet, then give me a time." Bruce nodded his head and flipped through his folder. "Her mission is located in the middle of the square, and she'll most likely be in disguise," Steve read off the sheet. "Banner, you've got the times yet?"

"If you all leave sometime before five," -he paused as Tony groaned- "we'd be able to arrive before dark."

"Thurday morning at four thirty we'll meet at the usual quinjet, once we arrive in Russia, we'll go from there. Clint, get the cordinants by then."

"Will do, Captain," Clint said, giving him a mock salute.

"That should be all, you're all free to go." The second the words were out of Steve's mouth, the whole room erupted in the sound of chairs moving and papers sliding on the the table.

Steve was the last one to exit the room and the first thing he saw after he stepped through the door was Tony with a blond women. He seemed different around her, the smile on his face seemed genuine. Steve could faintly hear their conversation. "Pepper, I'm taking you out tonight," Tony told her.

She raised her eyebrows at him and smiled. "What's the occasion?"

"What? I can't treat you?" Tony said as they walked down the hall to the elevator.

Their voices faded when they stepped into the elevator, but Steve stayed frozen in place. They way they were looking at each other- he's misses having that. The feeling of thinking that the person in front of him was the best thing he's ever laid his eyes on, and knowing they were thinking the same thing when they looked at him. God, he's missed it.

That was another thing about this time period, he hasnt caught anyone's eye. Well that was a bit of a lie. He's caught a few people's eyes, a blond waitress at a cafe, a man reading a book on the subway, even a few SHIELD agents, but it was only for a moment. All he could think about was Peggy, and the sinking feeling would return, and he'd avert his eyes.

He just felt like there was no place for him. Everyone had their set lives that he was thrown into, and there was no room for him.

"Bobbi!"

Clint's voice interrupted his thoughts. He was jogging to catch up to a women, she was blond like Pepper, but, unlike Pepper, she was wearing a SHIELD uniform. A conversation sparked the second he caught up to her. Steve was right, everyone had someone.

He wasn't sure what kept his feet moving, but he kept walking, he walked all the way to his bike and then to his empty apartment. Maybe something was coming, something great, and that's why he still found it in himself to keep breathing.

Steve really hopes so.

* * *

**AN: If you've read any of my other fics, you'll know this is a little different from what I usually write, but I wanted to try something new. Please kindly leave a review and thank you for reading!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel.**


	2. Chapter 2

There was a new batch of girls that morning.

Natalia leaned against the hard brick wall with her arms folded as she watched their frightened faces look desperately at her for help. She stared back emotionless. They were herded like livestock down the narrow halls. Almost all the girls shyed away to the back of the group like there was a magnetic pull dragging them back, but they'd be pushed back to the front by the agents' guns hitting them sharply in the back. Natalia wasn't going to help them; nobody helped her when she came, and no one is going to help them.

She still remembers when she was taken. She was woken by her mother screaming her name and the sounds of crackling from the fire all around her. She yelled for her mother, desperately hoping she'd come through the sheet of gray and help her. But she never did. But Natalia kept screaming. The smoke was entering her body and seizing her breath. Just as she thought all the air was taken from her, hands grabbed her. But they weren't her mother's smooth, small and familiar hands. No, they were rough and unfamiliar as they dragged her out of the house. Her chest was still heavy and her throat still tight when she screamed again for her mother. But the hands kept dragging her out. Her mother's ashes were mixed with the ashes of the house, and everyone assumed that Natalia's ashes were right there beside hers. Sometimes Natalia wished they were.

Her attention was brought back to the scene in front of her when she heard a high pitched wailing that turned into a scream as the butt of a gun collided with the girl's shoulder and back. She quickly resorted to sniffling as she tried not to rub at a bruise that was surely forming across her shoulder and upper back. Natalia couldn't deny a small spark of sympthy for her, though. Because she showed weakness, she will be the first to fight. It happens every year, there's always a cryer, and they're always thrown into the circle first, along with any one else unfortunate enough to learn from their mistakes and not hold in their tears too.

Natalia grew bored of the sight and quickly turned on her heels and walked down the dimly lit hallways, the sniffles and sobs fading behind her. She heard the footsteps before his voice rang out. "Agent Romanova."

She stopped walking but she didn't turn around. "Ivan," she said when he appeared next to her. Ivan was her mentor when she first came to the Red Room. He was the first to notice that she excelled over the rest of the girls and decided to act on that potential. He was kind for a Red Room agent, but that was the thing- he was a Red Room agent and they weren't exactly the best people. Natalia has seen him laugh and smile but she has also seen him beat a man senseless and pull a trigger without a second thought.

"What do you think of the new girls?" Ivan asked as they started walking again.

Natalia stared straight ahead as she walked. "They're alright. They didn't cry as much as the ones last year."

"Might be easier to train than last year, lots of biters last year." Ivan laughed, and Natalia's lips only tugged into a smile for a moment before her face became slack again. "Since this seems like an easier year, maybe you would be interested in training them?"

Natalia rolled her eyes. "No, I don't want to deal with those brats."

Ivan stopped walking. "No?" He laughed and shook his head. "Oh, Natalia, it's funny how you think you have a choice. The Black Widow trains the future ones. You wanted the glory of the title, now you have the responsibility of the title." He grabbed her face between his two fingers, his nails digged into her cheeks and his breath was in her face. "Are we clear?"

"I'll train them," she spit out.

His hand fell to his side and he kept walking. "Good. Before training, I have another mission for you." That caught her attention. Any chance she could get to be out of the walls of the Red Room, she took. She looked at him as they walked. "An organization by the name of SHIELD are planning to pay us a visit. We thought we had dealt with them already, but it seems that that isn't so."

"It was ten years ago, right? I remember," Natalia said. She was still training when there was whispers among the girls about the Americans attacking them.

Natalia started to notice the steps they were taking. She's walked them a million times before, they were walking to Ivan's office. "Yes, we lost our Black Widow to them. But you, Romanova, are going to show them that the Black Widow program is flourishing."

"And how do you suppose that I do that?"

Ivan chuckled and said, "I'll expect you'll be creative." They came face to face with his office door. "Come," he said, "I'll give you the files."

Once she was settled into the cold chair in front of Ivan's desk, he handed her a folder. There were pictures of five men: two dark haired ones and three blond ones. "Mind giving me some background?" Natalia asked as she shifted through the papers.

The first picture was a dark haired man with facial hair that looked a little ridiculous to her. "Anthony Stark," Ivan said, "he's an inventor. He goes by the name of Iron Man because of his suit. Natalia saw the picture of a red and gold metal suit at the bottom of the page. "The paper should tell you what the suit does."

"Next, Bruce Banner, The Hulk. Doctor Banner was exposed to Gamma radiation in one of his experiments," -he tossed another paper in front of her- "this was the result." Natalia couldn't remeber the last time she was taken by surprise, she was always aware of everything around her, but she couldn't help the small gasp she let out. "Anything can trigger his transformation, so take him out quickly."

There was a picture of a man reaching back to grab something behind him, a bow in his hand. "Clint Barton, with the code name Hawkeye, he's an archer."

Natalia's eyes scanned the paper. "So he should be easy to take down?"

"Not exactly. We've sent agents at him before, they'd always come back blind and bloody."

Natalia raised her eyebrows and asked, "blind?"

"He aims for the eyes."

"I see."

"That was just distasteful, Natalia."

Natalia held up the next picture. It was of a muscular blond man in metal armor, and he was holding a large hammer in his hand. "What about this one?"

"Thor, he's a Norse God," Ivan said.

"A God?" This team was getting more interesting by the minute.

Ivan nodded. "Of thunder. Don't underestimate this one. He's from Asgard, there should be some more information in the file."

"Last is their leader, Steve Rogers, Cap-"

"I heard of him," Natalia interrupted him. He was spoken of between the higher levels of the Red Room. SHIELD had gained its best weapon back, and the second he was unthawed, the Red Room instantly needed ways to take him down. And a few chatty fifteen-year-olds had whispered about him in a way that made Natalia want to slap the back of their heads to shut them up- which she did do on occasion.

"One last thing, they believe they're taking you by surprise and intercepting one of your missions."

"Idiots."

"They're American."

She gathered all the papers in a neat pile and put them back in the folder. "Is that all?"

"Yes."

Natalia stood up, the file tucked under her arm. Just before she stepped out of the office, Ivan spoke. "Natalia? Be careful."

"Always am."

* * *

**AN: Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

Steve hates the cold. It reminds him too much of those few moments he was conscious in the ice, when he laid down in the seat, squeezed his eyes shut while clutching his photograph of Peggy and tried desperately not to count down the hours as he got colder and colder.

He woke up before his alarm blared throughout his bedroom. With a groan, he wrapped his blanket tighter around himself to try to fight off the chill in the air. _God_, he left the window open. He stared at the open window, contemplating getting up to close it, but his limbs felt frozen so he only curled into a stiff ball and tried not to shiver. All too soon the alarm was blasting the fake bird noises, it was suppose to be soothing but it only gave Steve a headache, and he's not too sure how to change it.

Goosebumps covered his arm the second he pulled it out of the blanket, and he smashed the alarm with such force that he was pretty sure he broke it. He rolled out of the bed, not bothering to keep the scowl off of his face, it's not like anyone was there to see it.

The shower was uncomfortably hot, and the water felt like needles on his skin, and was sure the white tiles of the shower wall were burned into his mind from how long he stared at it. He wasn't sure if he had just been in the shower for too long that the water was beginning to run cold or if he just got use to the hot water, either way he shook his head to clear it before grabbing the soap and swiping it over his body half-heartedly. When the suds were down the drain, he shut off the water.

The room was covered in steam, and Steve could see his blurry reflection in the mirror. He stepped out of the shower and swiped at the mirror until his face was clear in the shiny surface. After he got the serum he had stood in front of a mirror, desperately hoping no one would come in and catch him, but he just stared and took in all the changes his body had gone through. His mind was brought back to that moment as his reflection stared back at him. He was still Steve Rogers, hell, he was Captain America, and he could get through anything life threw at him. Even if all that determination that once coursed through his veins felt like it disappeared completely.

He managed to brush his teeth and shave without having the urge to take a good look at his life, but the small victory only lasted so long. The question appeared every time he faced his uniform. _Why should he fight?_ Still, he didn't know what pushed him to pull on the Captain America uniform but still took a deep breathe a stretched the fabric over his muscles. He left the apartment and tried not to think about how it will still be empty when he got back.

* * *

Bruce was the only one to arrive before Steve. The doctor was standing near the quinjet, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he rocked on the balls of his feet. "Doctor Banner," Steve called out.

Bruce's head whipped around to face Steve. "Captain Rogers."

"Something wrong?" Steve asked. He's a soldier, he knows what people's expressions mean, and the distant look in Bruce's eyes clearly meant something was bothering him. And talking was a nice distraction from the morning chill around them.

Bruce sighed and Steve braced himself for the bad news. "I don't think it would be the best idea for me to be in this mission. The hulk isn't very discreet, the mission would be jeopardized."

"Sorry, Banner. Fury's orders not mine," Steve said. Bruce only nodded his head.

Tony was, surprisingly, the next one to arrive. Pepper was next to him, clad in her usual professional attire; Tony was drinking coffee, a sight a little comical because he was equipped in his Iron Man suit. Both of them were silent. The rest of the team slowly came, Clint just making it a few minutes before their agreed time.

Steve looked around at his team before ordering them all into the quinjet. Tony lingered in the back next to Pepper, who had annoyance written all over her features. But she did give Tony a small peck on the cheek before the ramp closed between her and Tony. "Everything alright between you two?" Steve asked Tony, who was still staring at the closed entrance like he was expecting it to open again.

Tony's expression changed to his usual cocky one and he slapped Steve on the back. "Just peachy, Cap." He wasn't okay, but Steve didn't feel like he had the right to press on, so he didn't.

"Barton, you're on pilot duty," Steve called to Clint, who didn't really seem awake enough to fly a quinjet, but he still made his way to the front.

The ride was quiet for the majority of the time. But in the final hour of the flight, everyone was awake enough to go over the plan. "We have to make this quick, and we have to take her by surprise," Steve said, "Tony, you're going to stick out, stay low until we catch her." He was sure Tony didn't like the idea of not being a main part in the plan but his mind was still with Pepper, and he only gave Steve a small nod. "Then we take her back to SHIELD, decide what to do with her then. She will not be killed, understand?" The team all agreed to plan in a way that made Steve feel like he was talking to himself. So he sat back down until the flight came to an end.

* * *

Russia was freezing. The second the ramp opened Steve's muscles tensed instantly as the air hit him, and he tried not to grimace as he stepped into the snow.

It was the last few hours of daylight when they stepped into the small town, their uniforms hidden under a few layers of clothing. People bustled around them, completely oblivious to the fact that the avengers, except Tony and Thor, were near them. Groups of kids ran in their path, mothers pulled their daughters along, and teenagers were huddled together as they walked along the streets. "Seems like a normal enough place," Clint whispered.

"Yeah, too bad the Red Room is only miles away," Steve hissed.

The next few hours proved to be uneventful when the most exciting thing that happened was a kid slipped on some ice in front of them, Bruce helped him up and he scurried off. The town was nice, it was hard to believe that such a prestigious and dangerous organization was located so close to it, and Steve couldn't help but wonder how many of these peoples' lives have been effected by the Red Room. If they had a child, sibling or spouse taken from them, whether murdered or turned into an agent that would be completely unrecogniazable to all the people they use to know. And with that his mind traveled back to Natalia. Did she have a family? Were they still alive; did they miss her?

Right. Natalia.

He needed to stay focus, she could be anywhere in this town. He just needed to keep his eyes open-

A car came racing down the street, the street that was completely covered in people, and the driver didn't seem like they had any intention of slowing down. Almost everyone ran out of the way, a few shouted a warning or were pulling people back. But there were still a few people lingering.

Steve acted quickly. He bolted towards the street, ignoring Clint and Bruce's calls to him. He had leapt towards the only girl still in the street and they both landed in a snow bank. Right when he was about to ask if she was alright, he was hit sharply in his side and his head was slamming into the sidewalk. He felt the weight of someone pinning him down. He's never seen her in person, but he recognizes her from the photos. "Romanova."

She had a gun pointed directly at his face, and her red curls curtained around them. "Well, Captain, it seems we know each other," she said, her lips pulling into a smirk.

There were a few screams around them and Steve could hear snow being kicked into the air as people started to clear away from the scene. Steve broke his gaze with Natalia to turn his head towards the once peaceful streets. The car was pulled over and a man stood next to it, gun poised, and a few people Steve had thought were just citizens of the town had guns pulled out. The rest of the avengers were being pushed into the small circle in the street, even Tony and Thor, Steve should've known, their comms had been quiet for too long.

They weren't going to be caught that easily, no, Steve Rogers does not go down without a fight. Natalia was fast but he still managed to push her off of him. The rest of the avengers acted too, they pulled out their weapons and ran for cover as the bullets started flying.

Natalia was out of Steve's sight and he searched for her through the chaos. Then he felt a weight on his shoulders and saw a flash of red as her thighs started to squeeze his neck. Steve tried desperately to throw her off of him, but his attempts were futile as he felt his vision go black. He slammed her into a wall of a nearby building, she didn't lose her grip on him but it did loosen enough for him to throw her off of him.

She skidded through the snow, and she turned sharply to him, wiping blood from her face. She was up in a blink of an eye, ready to fight. She came at him with a lot more force than someone that small should have.

Steve didn't hear the gunshot or screams around him, all he heard, felt and saw was Natalia. She moved around a lot, she ducked and jumped over him in an attempt to take him by surprise. But he was completely and totally focused on her.

The fight dragged on. Every blow was blocked, and every move was guessed. Well that's what Steve thought until she had took him down with one swipe of her foot and flipped him face down on the floor. There was blood on him, he wasn't sure if it was his blood or Natalia's, it smeared over his clothes and ran down his face and into his mouth. He turned to the side and spit out the blood, the metallic taste still lingering.

He got up. She took him down again. He stood back up. The next blow was to her face, Steve was done playing around. He managed to throw in a few punches to her stomach but she was able to block most of them.

She flipped him over and crushed his windpipe with her arm. She leaned in close to his face until they were breathing the same air. Her red curls tickled his face and he could see every detail on her face, the small scar near her ear, the flecks of brown in her green eyes, and a few beauty marks scattered on her face, if they weren't in their current position, Steve would've considered her pretty. "You put up a good fight," she said.

He kicked her off of him and she landed on her back in the snow. "Same could be said about you."

"Unfortunatly, all good things must come to an end," she said, getting up again. But she was the last thing he saw before he felt a needle being plunged into the soft skin of his neck.

* * *

Steve came to eventually. He was woken up by the steady rocking of a helicopter. Helicopter? He sat up straight and took in his surroundings, his team was around him, handcuffed. The helicopter was bathed in orange light, it was only a few hours into the night when Steve was conscious, he must have been out for awhile. Morning, Sunshine," Tony said in a flat tone. Then a gun was pointed directly at his head. "Jesus, are you going to do that every time?"

"Only if you keep talking," Natalia said. She turned to Steve, a smirk on her face. "You didn't last very long, Captain-" She stopped mid-sentence when she caught sight of the window.

It happened so fast. The way the small smirk on her face disappeared, her arms fell limply to her sides, and how she bolted to the door and threw it open. The helicopter shifted to the side as the pilot turned to yell. "Закрой дверь!" For a second Steve thought she was going to jump out of the helicopter as an unexpected suicide attempt. But no, she was strong, insistent. She gripped the sides of the wall, and hung loosely out the door. Her hair whipped around her face, and light streamed in beams around her. She looked like a cat bathing in sun spots, and the sight made Steve freeze and look at her. For the first time, she seemed human.

"Закрой дверь!" The pilot repeated.

"What's he saying?" Clint whispered.

"Probably telling her to get away from the door," Bruce spoke for the first time since they were captured. He'd been curled up on the small seat, his hands were buried in his hair, his breathing heavy. He wasn't comfortable flying as it was, let alone not being in control -well his usual amount of control- of his actions. They couldn't even stretch out the tense muscles in their legs or arms without her pointing her gun at them.

But she was still preoccupied with the outside world to notice them talking, and Steve's eyes were still glued to her instead of using the chance to ease some anxiety by stretching or talking in hushed whispers. "I'm guessing you don't see the sun often?" Steve asked, tugging on his handcuffs and revealing the red marks on his wrist.

"I didn't say you can speak," she said sharply, not turning away from the sun.

The pilots voice rang out again, this time more insistent. "Romanov! "Закрой дверь!" She listened this time, and the door closed once more. Steve didn't know what to make of Natalia as she sat back down, but he had no idea what was in store for him in his future.

* * *

**AN: Alright the story should pick up after this chapter since the background chapters are out of the way. Also this fic was started and planned out before AoU came out so it will not be related to AoU in any way. Review please!**

**Disclaimer: All right belong to marvel**


	4. Chapter 4

Steve didn't know how long they stayed on the helicopter, judging by the small bit of light coming from the front that still maintained its pink hue, he guessed only an hour or two more. Natalia returned to her former position of pointing her gun at them, she didn't speak she just sat in a seat across from them with her gun propped up on her knee. Steve kept his eyes on her, and occasionally she'd catch his eye and he'd flick his away for a few moments.

She hadn't said a word since she sat back down, every second that passed she confused Steve more and more. He's read her files; she had a reputation of being cold and heartless. All the human qualities of her were wiped away from her training. But Steve saw a glimpse of what she might have been if she wasn't the Black Widow, but just Natalia.

The helicopter shifted from side to side and Steve knocked into Clint. He understandably skipped out on saying a quick sorry to Barton before sitting back up. He grasped the edge of the seat as much as he could to maintain his balance as easily as he could in tight handcuffs. The bumping stopped and the helicopter jolted once more before shutting off.

Natalia rose from the chair, gun still in hand. "Up," she said, her voice thick with a Russian accent. They obeyed, only Tony being a little hesitant. Then they were being herded out the door into a small crowd of red room agents who instantly stepped forward to form a circle around them. At least one gun was pointed at each member of the team, Thor and Bruce getting three pointed at them, and Steve felt a gun pressed into his own back.

"I'll handle this one." Steve's head turned at the sound of Natalia's voice. Her gaze was locked with the Agent's, their gun still pressed to Steve's back. Natalia stood with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised slightly, she was glaring daggers at the agent. "Go." The Agent stood down under the heat of her glare, and chose to point his gun at Bruce as if there wasn't enough using him as a target already. "Eyes in front," Natalia ordered, hitting Steve in the spine hard enough to make him jump.

"Pointing a gun at Banner won't help, if anything it would only make The Other Guy come out," Steve hissed out as they were herded through the halls of the facility. Bruce didn't look scared, alarmed if anything, he was doing his usual method of calming down, taking deep breaths and concentrating on his surroundings.

"We're aware of Banner's conditions."

"If you're so aware you'd know not to point a gun at him," Steve said, turning sharply on his heels to face her. He was met by a gun pointed at his face and most of the surrounding agents shifting towards him. He met Natalia's glare, unfazed by the weapons pointed at him.

He always did this, let his rage start like a small flame that built in rapid speed until he was running head first into something he couldn't get himself out of. It usually ended with him being bloody and bruised from head to toe, and Bucky or his mother fussing over him and asking what happened. But his family was dead and were not at his side. He was alone in this. Completely alone. So he turned back around and the gun returned to it's spot against his back.

It wasn't long before the agents began to separate the team. A few more steps down the hallway and they were being pushed in different directions. The team remained calm; Clint even looked use to the treatment. But Tony was resisting, and Steve could hear his protests before they were cut off by Tony being shoved into a room.

It was then that Steve allowed himself to look back at his team, or what was _left_ of his team. Thor and Bruce had been taken away soundlessly and only Barton remained. Steve mirrored Clint's calm composure, but then Steve was being shoved into a room and he couldn't help the small yelp of surprised that slipped out of his mouth.

The door was slammed and locked behind him, and he was sure he was alone until there was a hard blow to his head and everything turned black.

* * *

The pounding in his head was the first thing he felt when he came to in the same dark room. "Morning, Captain," said a voice in front of him.

He craned his neck up to look at who the voice belonged to. There was a sharp pain in his neck and he winced as the pain ebbed away. It took him a moment to realize he was chained to a chair. He pulled at his restraints but it only made his sore muscles ache. Natalia crouched down and looked him in the eyes. She looked at him like he was prey and he couldn't help but compare her fiery curls to a maine of a lion.

If there was any fear he had, he didn't show it. "How many cameras are in here?"

Her hand snaked up his leg until it settled on his knee. "None. Just you and I, Captain," she said, her tone sweet.

He's craved physical contact for so long. The last time anyone touched him was back in the forties when Peggy would take any chance she had to give him a quick kiss or run a hand up his arm. He finds himself thinking about the softness of Peggy's lips a lot these days.

But Natalia touching him was different. She was surprisingly gentle, and her touch was light when her hand crept up his leg. But it was one of her tricks, and it's been used on countless other men, and maybe even his own team. It made him sick to his stomach to think of her having to do that to herself.

Steve pulled his leg away and her hand fell to her side. "Don't." He said.

She rose an eyebrow and the corner of her mouth twitched up before she caught herself. "Fine," she said, any fake kindness she had in her voice gone.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Steve asked her. He was sure she wouldn't answer him, but he couldn't stop the question from coming out.

"Do what?" Her innocent voice was back. He was sure she could bring men to their knees with that voice and a smirk but it only made his stomach twist unpleasantly.

"I thought we were cutting the bullshit, Romanova," Steve declared.

She paused a moment before answering his previous question with her own. "When did it become a choice?" Her tone was flat.

"You always have a choice," Steve said.

"Maybe you might. But you and I are different, Rogers." She stared him down.

"I don't think we're that different, Natalia."

She leaned in close to him "Don't," she said, her hand grasping his chin, "call me Natalia."

He was unfazed by her threats. "You can change yourself. Be a better person." If he was trying to get a reaction out of her, it was working. Who was he to call her Natalia and act like he knew a thing about her.

"How did you get so far in life being such a naive fucking idiot?" It was hard to believe that just a few moments ago she was touching his leg and telling him they were alone.

"I'm not naive, I just look for the best in people." Natalia almost laughed at his sincerity because there was no way he could be serious. "You're not suppose to be this person. Who I saw on the helicopter-"

"Who you saw?" She interrupted him. She regretted her moment of weakness, but it had been so long since she's seen her favorite part of the day. And God, she spent too long indoors when she desperately wanted to feel fresh air everyday. Still, she couldn't believe she let something so small get to her. "You don't know anything about me, Rogers," she said at last.

Deciding she had enough, she pulled herself up. Anyone else and she wouldn't have looked back but she involuntarily felt her head turn to him. But she quickly left the room when his blue eyes met her green ones.

Ivan was outside the door with his hands clasped behind his back. "Well?" He asked, following Natalia as she walked down the hall.

Some agents entered the room after she left and it wasn't long before the door was opening again. It took two men to drag Steve out of the room, and their grey uniforms were a stark contrast to Rogers' obnoxious patriotic suit. He caught her eye and his stare was intense enough to make her stop walking. He didn't seemed pleased that he got a rise out of her. He just seemed… puzzled? He looked at her the way no one else had before. But she couldn't place what was in his eyes. For the first time in Natalia's life she couldn't read someone.

Steve had stopped in his place, and the agents were pushing him forward. He didn't budge until the agent on his left took a swing at his face. Natalia didn't flinch or feel any remorse when they dragged him down the hall. Good. At least she still had that. Finally, she spoke.

"It will take time, but I _will_ break him."

* * *

**AN: I haven't been able to write recently because of personal reasons that I won't get into, but I will be able to update regularly now. Sorry for such the long wait and thank you for sticking around. Review please so I know to update!**


	5. Chapter 5

She wants to hurt him.

The urge rises up at just thought of Steve Rogers. The image of all the bruises and welts that painted his body, souvenirs from his first few days in the Red Room, came to her mind. Her fingers would twitch at the thought of pushing into the wounds, adding to the pain of another's work; the only urge that was stronger was to add her own work to his skin. To see the dark blue marks and know that she was responsible for them.

But there were brats to train, and it took work to shape the next generation of the Red Room. The scars covering Natalia's body proved the fact.

The girls formed a circle, and they all wore the same simple attire of a white tank top and white shorts. Bruises already crept out of the white fabric, and Natalia used it to keep tabs on the girls. The blend of deep purples and blues spread across a shoulder and upper back indicated that she was the girl who cried on the first day. She'd learned how to conceal her sobs but there were still sniffles and her body would shake with grief ever so often. The girl next to her proved to be tougher with barely any marks covering her body. Natalia pushed both of them into the middle.

"Go," Natalia ordered.

The Crier took a deep breath and held her fist up half-heartily. Rivers of tears ran down each cheek but she was silent as the tears fell. The tough one was a fighter, she lunged at the other girl the second she was given the que.

The Crier's fighting style consisted of dodging as many hits as she can, and she jumped from spot to spot all over the circle as fists came at her. When The Fighter did get a punch in The Crier would stay down and whimper on the floor until she had enough willpower to stand. But not before earning a few kicks in her side.

She just took it. She didn't even get a single punch in.

"Stop!" Natalia called.

She pushed off the wall and walked toward the circle. The girls in her path quickly stepped out of the way, and a few were brave enough to whisper to the girl next to her. Natalia walked past them, and straight to her target. "What do you call this?" Natalia asked.

"Daily combat exercises," the girl started, "it's part of the beginning stages of training-"

"I know what it is," Natalia snapped. "You fight. Never run." The girl only nodded and looked at her, eyes expectant and hopeful that she'll return to her spot on the wall. "What's your name?" Natalia asked instead.

"Inessa." Inessa was as small as her voice sounded. Too small to be standing in the middle of that circle. Too bright and innocent, despite the mass of purple marks covering her body, to be in such a dull room.

"Give me a better reason to remember it."

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey!" Tony's voice rang out from behind the door. Steve sat up straight as the door opened. Tony was shoved through and the door closed behind him before Steve could even try to think about escaping.

"Hey, Roomie," Clint said. He seemed oddly calm, almost as if he was use to the treatment. For all Steve knew, he could after so many years at SHIELD. But Steve really didn't know anything about the men around him.

"Fuck," Tony said under his breath. He settled in the middle of the room, and because of the size he could easily still see Steve and Clint, whom have chosen to sit against the walls. Not like there were many choices. They were like animals in a cage, all cramped together and desperate to get out.

"What did they do to the suit?" Steve asked. The last time Steve had seen Tony was when they first got there. Clint was already in the room the day before when Steve was brought in after being interragated by Natalia. Steve hasn't seen Bruce since they arrived.

"Destroyed it."

* * *

"The training is done for today. I want to see him now."

Ivan looked up from the papers in his hand. Natalia's voice was familiar to him. He's heard it grow from a small squeak to the confident sound it was presently. He knew it well. And only Natalia would be brave enough to walk into his office unannounced.

"Natalia, sit down." Natalia huffed and sat down. The way she balanced on the edge of her seat didn't look natural or comfortable, and the way her nails clicked againt his desk made Ivan want to slam his hand down on hers to stop it.

"This is an obsession," Ivan stated.

"It's not an obsession, he just-" Natalia started. Another huff and she sat down in the chair. "He just won't _break_."

"Because _you_ are giving him the upper hand. Never have you been so fixated on a prisoner here." The files were put down; she had his full attention.

"The other prisoners have never been so…"

"Infuriating?"

Natalia said nothing to that, and just shifted in her seat again. Her uneasiness was spreading to Ivan, and frankly, he had too much paperwork to deal with.

"Tell the guards I sent you, you should be let in with no questions."

* * *

Ivan was right, the guards by the door didn't ask Natalia any questions. Even answered the ones she had herself. "Are there others?" Natalia asked them.

They stood alert and Natalia was sure they must've been sick of standing in that position for so long. "He's alone in there. The others have already been sent back, but Ivan said Rogers wasn't done for the day."

"Let me pass."

The door shut behind her the second her feet crossed the threshold of the room. The few meeting she's had with him she had always felt his presence. Felt his eyes follow her with every move. She was aware of him as much as he was of her. His features had already been burnt inside her memory, marked as something she'll never forget. Handsome features, but his eyes held a sadness in them that she recognized in the people around her and, during tough nights, herself.

She could feel those blue eyes on her now. He wasn't in sight, but she knew he was there.

"Captain Rogers?"

He moved quickly. So quickly that even she couldn't dodge his arms looping around her. He brought the chain of the handcuffs to her neck; the chain pulled taut around his hands. He tugged the chain, the force of it pulling her flat against his chest, and efficiently grabbing her attention. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.

Her arm flew back and her elbow collided with his stomach painfully. The chain fell from her neck but she remained trapped against him. A knee to the groin and he was sent to the ground.

Quickly, she untangled herself from him. Natalia heard the chains break and turned around just in time to still see the veins in his arms sticking out from the exertion. While his guard was down, she took the opportunity to jump on him. "You're seriously trying this?" He asked when she slammed his hands on the floor and pinned them down.

"I'm stronger than I look," she said. His face was close to hers, so close that they shared the same air.

He grabbed at the hair curtained around her face and his. She cried out as the red strands were tugged, and he flipped her over. His body easily covered hers, and the heels of his hands dug into the palms of hers.

"I don't want to hurt you," he repeated. "I need your help."

"Why would I help you?" Natalia sneered.

"So I could help you."

The doors flew open. Orders in Russian flew through the room, they must have heard the fighting. Steve was pulled off of Natalia. Too many men were in that small room, and Natalia weaved her way through them to the door. It was still wide open.

She looked back just in time to see a fist colliding with Steve's face as multiple men held him back. Her breath caught in her throat, to her surprise, and her body jerked as if she was going to help him. But she didn't.

Instead, she turned on her heels and left him to whatever was to come. His words still echoed in her mind while she walked down the hall.

_So I could help you._

* * *

**AN: There won't be any OCs in this fic, in case you were wondering. The focus of the story is completely Steve and Nat, but if anyone would like to see more of the other avengers please let me know. ****Reviews make my day and motivate me to write!**


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